Life with a Winchester
by DesertFawn
Summary: My view of Dean Winchester. IT's AU, after Dean and Sam finally get rid of yelloweyes and put all the demons back in hell they settle in and begin creating the lives they always wanted. No spoilers included, enjoy!


**A/N: _I've been writing for a very long time, but this is my first Supernatural fanfiction. I've always been afraid to write fanfiction for fear of screwing up with the original character, so i'm always going to be hesitant about this stuff. This is my view of Dean Winchester, it's a one shot , and it's written in first person. It's kind of like my essay about how I see Supernatural's Dean Winchester, so I hope you all enjoy it. This is an AU, and it's after the show ends-So there are no spoilers. _**

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**Life with a Winchester**

The darkness sat heavy on my eyes -to the extent where I did not know if they were closed or open. The silence around me overpowered my sense of hearing and if it wasn't for my husband's occasional snoring, I would have thought I've gone deaf. I sat in a room on the second floor, which belonged to me and my husband. The view out my window was the mountains and the night sky glittering with stars. There was no moon visible, and if there was I could not see it. My rocking chair was too soft, and I was sitting very comfortable in it. I did not want to move. It had nothing to do with the big swell of my belly that rested on my knees-nope absolutely nothing. Did you catch my sarcasm?

There I was, just starting my 9th month of pregnancy, sitting in my comfortable chair, watching my husband sleep, and feeling Julian, squirm inside me as if he was trying to find a way outside of my womb. He'd been at it for nearly two hours, and I hadn't been able to grab five minutes of shut-eye. Thankfully, I was able to take my maternity leave early, seeing as I was a full time doctor, and my belly was simply too heavy to carry around the hospital for 12 hours a day, sometimes a lot more than that. So, I was used to staying up for long hours at work, but I wasn't used to staying up because of another human being kicking and squirming inside me.

The silence was broken again by my husband's snoring. He'd been tossing and turning for the two hours I was awake, and I was starting to get worried. I turned on the table lamp near me, not wanting to wake him but to see what exactly is going on. As I leaned forward to get a better view, I noticed that the sheets beneath the man I adore were drenched with sweat. He'd been sleeping in just his boxers, the blankets kicked off to the floor. His breath was heavy, as if he was running a marathon, and he was moving more, his hands moving around him, as if looking for something. I dared not go near him, knowing full well what he would do if I woke him up. I could see the gold handle of his knife sticking out under his pillow, and I did not want to be at the other end of it. I pushed myself off the seat as much as I could, trying get out of it to hover around him until he woke up, but Julian was too heavy, and the task was too hard. So I ended up sliding myself off the chair, until I got to the edge-when I heard him mutter incoherently. I tried to understand what he was saying but the words were all slurred together, it was pointless. I stayed at the edge of my seat waiting for him to wake up.

After a few minutes, my husband sat up suddenly, gasping for breath. He put his hands though his hair, then took it out quickly, realizing it was wet with sweat. He took a deep sigh and brought his knees close to his body, resting his elbows on them with his head hanging in the middle. I waited a few moments, gave him time to separate what's real and what's not.

"Dean," I called out gently from my seat.

Dean's head shot up, first looking at the space I usually slept in, then towards the direction of my voice. The lamp next to me assured him that it was me, and I realized his broad shoulders relax and his intense stare soften. "Yeah, baby." He breathed out, still out of breath.

I managed to push myself off the rocking chair and walk around to my side of the bed, taking my rightful spot next to Dean. He didnt turn to look at me with his green-eyed stare and big grin like he usually did when I got into bed. His face was still facing the front where I was sitting, his gaze staring at nothing. I knew then that this nightmare was intense. Dean had been having nightmares for a while, but they were usually about his fear of being a father, and they were usually twisted in a humorous way. He always turned around to face me, with a hint of fear but also humor in his eyes, and laughed hysterically once we made eye contact. This time, he did not want to face me. This time, it was either a dream about something in his job, which was dark and twisted with monsters and spirits, or something about his family being endangered by his job. I knew for sure that it was one of those, I also knew that he did not like talking about them, and became really quiet to the point where I had to ask questions for him to let out his voice. I leaned back on my bed post, and patted the small space between me and him, "Come here."

Dean was silent for a moment. He turned his face around, his shoulders still tense from his dream and looked at me from top to bottom, with no expression on his face. I knew that look, he was trying to figure out if I was going to pester him about his dream or not. I of course kept a blank stare on my face, looking at him innocently. He finally decided to lean back onto me, his head rested on my shoulder, and body twisted so he can lay his hand on my belly. My arm was around his neck, caressing his smooth clammy skin.

"What are you doing-Oh," Dean interrupted himself mid-question when he felt Julian kick under his hand.

I laughed, putting my hand on his, "He's been squirming for the past two hours. Won't let me sleep."

"Yeah, obviously," he said, his voice showed return of a bit of humor and pride, "What's he doing in there? Playing a soccer game?"

"No, practicing his karate, so he can kick monster butt like you."

Dean didn't laugh, he rolled his head off of my shoulder, but left his hand in place under mine. He tilted his head sideways to look at me, the humor that I heard in his voice a moment ago not showing in his eyes."I don't want him to continue the family business."

I raised my eyebrows at him, in complete and utter disbelief. "Weren't you the one bragging how Julian was going to be strong and smart just like his father so he can hunt with you?" I asked. It must have been the dream, I thought. Did he dream something about our son?

"I wasn't thinking straight. I want him to live happy."

"What about safely?" I asked him incredulously, "No matter what he'll always be surrounded by the supernatural. He has to know how to protect himself."

"I'll protect him."

"You can't be there for him all his life."

"Then I will tell him and train him once he is ready to live on his own," Dean said stubbornly, he shifted away from me, his hand slid from under mine.

"What's wrong with that plan? Hmm let's see. He'll think you need to go see a psychiatrist, then once he believes it he will hate you for keeping it from him for so long. Not to mention, he would have to deal with unexpected absences that you take without knowing why or where you go. You really want that?"

Dean didn't answer me. He just shook his head, and closed his eyes sighing deeply.

I sighed in return. I hated how mysterious he could be. I loved him to death. He was and still is my hero, the man that no man except for Julian of course could ever measure up to. But just like every other man he had his downsides, such as his stubbornness, and his silence when it came to matters of his heart.

"Dean-I kept my silence for as long as I can. I can't do it anymore, what did you dream about?"

He snorted, but I did not see humor in his eyes. His gaze was so intense, he was lost in his head and he did not want to share. I knew he wasn't going to answer me. Sam was always the better one when it came to Dean opening up.

I'm not going to lie, it made me jealous that Dean was more willing to open to Sam than to the woman who was carrying his baby, but I also understood. Sam was his brother, his family. Sam was/is the most important person in his life, the only family that he had left in the world. He'd spent most of his darkest moments with Sam; Sam could relate more than I can. It bothered me at first, sure but it's something that I accepted eventually. It's something that I had to learn to deal with very early in my relationship with Dean. And it's what made me fall in love with him-the fact that he loved his brother so much that he protected his brother at all costs, and was the most comfortable with him told me that he was the guy I wanted in my life. Family was and still is his number one priority, and now he has one of his own. The minute we got married, I started to see the same look that he gave and still gives Sam when he looked at me or talked about Julian, which made me the happiest woman in the world. I still am.

"Dean, baby- why don't you talk to me? Neither of us is going to get some sleep anytime soon , so why not swe pend the time with an … insightful conversation .. " I said lightly. I turned my head to face him, and smiled knowing exactly how Dean was going to react.

He looked at me, one brow raised, "Insightful?" When he realized that I was smiling, a grin formed on his face rolling his eyes at me. "You have a way with words Dear."

I chuckled to myself as I slid down so my head was resting on the pillow, flinching a bit as Julian kicked me hard in the ribs. That boy was not ready to go to sleep yet. "Come on-seriously, anything to get my mind off of all the kicking going on inside me."

Dean slid down as well, turned on his side, and rested his hand on my belly again just as Julian did another summersault. "What is going on with him?"

"I don't know, but he started when you started having that nightmare."

He looked at me quizzically, "What?"

"You've been tossing and turning for two hours straight, just like Julian here."

"You think there's some kind of connection?" Dean asked incredulously.

"Maybe. You are his father after all."

Dean lowered his eyes, and his gaze resumed back to staring at nothing. "It's weird ... I never expected to be a father… you know with what I do …" he said quietly.

"You're going to be a great one none the less."

"Yeah..."

There was silence between us, and I thought that that was going to be the closest we got to talking about the dream, so I closed my eyes, hoping that the lack of kicking in my belly has stopped long enough for me to sleep. However, Dean wasn't finished, I knew it by the way he started rubbing my belly. It was very hard for Dean to open up, and he needed time to figure things out in his own head first. I understood that, and rubbing my belly was his way of telling me "I want to talk about it- just give me some time". So I did, and I let his hands wonder around my belly. It was relaxing feeling his rough warm hands touching my skin. Dean's touch was always warm, even when he was freezing, he was warm.

"He finally calmed down," he whispered.

"Just like his daddy," I said opening my eyes to look at him, "You seem calmer."

"I am…" there was another moment of silence and then "That's weird…" he said laughing a little.

"What is?"

"You really think there's a connection?"

"Seems like it," I answered him honestly. The minute Dean's breath evened out Julian stopped his kicking. It was like there was a connection already between the two.

"My nightmare was about him…"

I looked at him, a bit shocked that he had a dream about Julian that was so intense. I did not say anything knowing that if I interrupted him he would close himself up again and I of course did not want that.

"The yellow-eyed demon was back … he… Julian was in his crib … and I went up to check on him and there he was … "

I suddenly realized what he dreamt about. His subconscious was connecting his childhood trauma to his life now, he was afraid the same thing was going to happen to me like what happened to his mom. I should have known. He was so good at keeping everything bottled inside, and the way he let it out was through his nightmares. I was surprised that he didn't call Sam to talk about it, it wasn't in his usual norm to talk to me about things he thought I could not understand. I usually had to force him or trick him to tell me. I was sure that Dean and Sam had the same fears, but then I thought well Sam was not married yet. He didn't have a baby on the way. He didn't have to worry about all that at that moment in time. So I figured, Dean did not want to have Sam worry about his worries just yet.

"It was so real," He said cutting through my thoughts, his hand was still rubbing my belly nervously, and I caught it, holding it inside my own hands.

"When he disappeared, and I ran to the crib. I turned around…expecting to see you on the ceiling ... " He continued, his voice hitching. His hand was lax in mine; it was like he was reliving the nightmare all over again.

"Instead- he came back and he pushed me against the wall … you were no where to be seen. I felt myself going up to the ceiling… expecting to be …and then I woke up." He finished sighing heavily, taking his hand out of mine and rubbed it across his face.

I felt tears in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. Dean's fear of being a father and fear of what the supernatural will do to his son were combined in one nightmare. Not only that, but he ended up being the victim, sacrificing himself to keep his son and I safe-from himself and the demon. I just knew it.

I did not do anything for a while. I lied on my back staring at the ceiling imagining what it must have been like for anyone to find their lover pinned to the ceiling in a blaze of fire. I sat up and I looked at the man before me, his eyes closed, not wanting to face what's above him.

"Dean," I said it gently-lovingly.

He didn't move, but I knew he could hear me, his hands twitched with the bed sheet under him distractedly. "Sit up for me."

He opened his eyes like I just poked him in the ribs and looks at me with curiosity. That was obviously the last thing he expected me to say. "Why?"

"Just do it," I said, coaxing him to sit up.

He sighed, not really in the mood for my craziness, but sat up obligingly. I moved myself to kneel behind him, and began to give him a shoulder message, trying to loosen the tense muscles that I could feel under my fingers.

"Oh," he groaned, "that feels good."

"Yeah, I know." I grinned and kissed the crook of his neck. It was so soft. I lean in and whisper in his ear, "Nothing is going to happen to us."

Dean's shoulders tensed again, and I messaged them with more pressure. "Dean, the Yellow-eyed demon is gone. He has been gone for decades, you know that."

"Doesn't mean there aren't others like him."

"Maybe, maybe not. So far you haven't encountered anything like it before right?"

Dean didn't answer right away, his shoulder muscles relaxed again. "No."

"What's the point of worrying about it now? It'll just ruin our lives. "

Dean sighed, this time in relief, and I was satisfied but I wasn't done. "You're going to be a great father. You are a great man, and I've seen you with kids before Dean. They love you."

There was silence between us, yet again, but it was more comfortable and the mood was lighter. "I love you. Julian loves you, obviously. He was definitely worried about you, wanting me to be here for you when you woke up."

Dean laughed, "Yeah - sorry for that."

"Don't be. We're going to be okay Dean, Julian is going to be an excellent hunter. He's learning from the best after all."

"Yeah, he is. "

Typical response, right? I knew he was coming back to me.

"Besides, I'm well on my way on becoming a hunter myself." I told him proudly. It was true, he's been training me for the two years we've been married, but I'm still not as good as him of course. I at least have the basics to protect myself , and my family.

Dean laughed, "That's going to take a while."

I shoved him playfully. Yep, he was definitely back. "Shut up. At least I will be prepared if something does happen. That's what's different, and why you shouldn't be so worried."

"Why shouldn't I be so worried?" He asked me, his voice low and wary.

"Because we are prepared-your family did not know about the supernatural did they?"

Dean turned around and looked at me, the Dean Winchester twinkle in his eyes that I hadn't seen since his nightmare returned. He grinned at me, "I guess you're right."

"I'm always right," I said. I put my arms around him. He leaned in and kissed me with those soft lips of his and I kissed him back. We separated, still attached to one another, not wanting to let go. We gazed into each other's eyes for a few seconds, it was exactly where I wanted to be and then –

"Your eyes are red," Dean commented, his grin widening.

I rolled my eyes, "Always the one to ruin it aren't you?"

"What?" Dean asked with feigned innocence. I kissed him again to wipe that grin off his face. "Yours are red too."

Dean laughed, "I guess we both should get some shut-eye."

I laughed with him, happy to have heard a genuine laugh coming out from him again, "Yeah, I'm not waking up until next month."

I reluctantly let go of him and moved over to my spot, Julian finally asleep. I lied down on my pillow, and closed my eyes feeling the tug of sleep pulling me under. Dean followed suit and lied down next o me, as his warmth filled me with love. Dean did not like to cuddle when he slept, neither did I. Just the fact we were sleeping next to each other was enough, however, out of nowhere, Dean's hand slipped into mine. He tightened his hold lightly then released it but did not depart our hands. I smiled, returned the squeeze as we both gave in to sleep.

THE END

**_P.S _**

**_This was beta'd by no one else by me so sorry for any mistakes._**


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